My how dating has changed

There are a lot of reasons why dating is different for me this time around. The biggest difference is that I am now a mom. Letting someone into my life carries a lot more consequences than before. There are also those minor details around being older, having a body of someone that has carried two children, having little to no time, etc.

In addition to the changes in my life, how dating happens and how people meet has changed immensely. The majority of people participate in online dating. There are so many sites/apps out there it is very overwhelming. There was a big learning curve in this area for me. What pictures do you use? What do you say about yourself? You want to share but not too much. Is it witty? Is it too sarcastic?

Once you get past all of the profile stuff, what happens when you actually come across someone you want to meet? Where do you meet? What do you wear? Did you remember to give someone his contact info and tell them where you are going (for safety)?

Having a child with a disability adds yet another layer of complication. When do you tell someone? How do you tell someone?

I started dating again about a year ago. I’ve tried numerous dating sites. And been on many “meet and greets” (a quick drink or cup of coffee to see if it should progress to a first date) and dates. There have been some great ones and some awful ones. Most fall somewhere in the middle. I have yet to meet anyone I’m comfortable enough with to introduce them to the kids.

I think the hardest part of dating later in life is baggage. My baggage AND their baggage. I have a hard time trusting anyone. I’ve been hurt, cheated on, lied to, etc. And most guys out there looking to date have dealt with similar situations.

When I put it all together in a list like this it seems hopeless. Yet I still try. I try because I miss it. Because I get lonely. I have a lot of amazing friends and that helps, but it isn’t the same.

To all of you single moms and dads out there…. Good luck. Don’t lose hope. There are good guys and gals out there.

So, its been a while

Last week my Timehop was a post from this blog. I thought to myself, why did I stop posting to this blog? Well, I just opened it up and saw my last post was almost exactly two years ago. Then it hit me, I know exactly why this fell off of my list of priorities. For the last two years I had been going through a separation/divorce. The world as I knew it fell apart…. again. The first time was when I received Owen’s diagnosis. The second time was finding out my marriage was failing.

A lot has changed over the last two years. Owen, Laney and I moved into an apartment. That was a pretty big adjustment. I had to learn to get by on my own. Learn to cook for just the three of us. Adjust to living in a much smaller place. It was a roller coaster. I had days where I thought, I got this!!! And days that I thought, I don’t know if I can do this. In the end, one thing is true… There is no choice. I have to be strong for myself and for the kids.

Sparing everyone the gory details, we have survived the divorce. We are getting used to the new “normal”. Learning to “co-parent”. The kids are getting used to the time split between my place and their dad’s. I’m getting used to actually having some time to myself.

Owen is doing great in school. He is in Second Grade now. He has been at the same school for the last two years. Owen still loves reading and has an amazing memory. He has been doing simple math problems (given two answers to choose from).

Laney is growing up so fast. She has been such a help through all of this. I try really hard not to depend on her too much. She is amazing though. People can’t believe she is only 3. Laney is very smart, articulate and caring. Always looking out for her brother.

I’m going to try to revive this blog. It is going to take on a slightly different twist now as our family has changed so much. I know too many fellow mom’s of children with special needs going through divorce. Hopefully sharing what is going on will at least help them feel like they aren’t alone.

 

Balancing Act

Over the weekend we went to stay with my parents. One thing we always do when we are there is go on a golf cart ride around town. My parents live in a small town where almost everyone uses their golf cart to get around town.

While we were out on our ride we decided to visit one of the walking (made with hedges) labyrinths in town. I took Owen with me. Carrying him on my hip, we made our way through the maze. After a few minutes of getting my arms scraped by the bushes I decided we needed to try something else. So, I lift him up and throw him on my shoulders.

This is something we have tried numerous times with Owen over the years. He never quite grasped the concept. He would usually lose his balance or just go limp and lean over your head. Not this time though. He straightened up and enjoyed the ride. I couldn’t believe it.

Granted he was still a stinker. He put his hands over my eye, pulled me hair, etc. But for the most part it was great. I just held onto his knees and he was good to go. I was shocked.

It isn’t the easiest thing to do with an almost 6 year old kid. But it is great to have another option.

Owen never ceases to amaze me. To some it might seem like he is progressing so slow compared to other “typical” kids. But to us he is growing up at warp speed.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

What did you do today?

I would say I have easily asked Owen the question, “What did you do today?” a hundred thousand times. The normal response is a smile. Then I follow up with, “Did yooooouuuu play with your friends?… No? Did yoooouuuu use the computer?… No?” and so on. Sometimes you would see a twinkle in his eye or see a physical response when you hit on something they did during the day.

Today the usual conversation happened. “Owen, Did you have a good day today?…. What did you do today at school?”

This time I actually got a response! If I wasn’t paying attention I wouldn’t have caught it. He responded to me the same way I ask him, but was telling me the things he did today. He said, “Did yoooouuuu library?…. Did yoooouuuu Shipp’s (special ed teacher) room? Did yoooouuu Egeling’s (gen ed teacher) room?” He said a few others that I didn’t quite understand. But in his way he was actually telling me what he did today!

This was a huge deal. We were having a bit of a conversation. It was so exciting. I am still shocked. And to think if I hadn’t really been paying attention I would have thought he was just mimicking what I usually ask him.

He truly amazes me!

Questions?

Today I went to Owen’s school to talk to his Kindergarten class. I wanted to tell them a little more about Owen and allow them to ask questions. His teacher had indicated that some of the kids in his class were still apprehensive when it came to interacting with Owen. So we all thought it would be a good idea for me to come in and talk to the class.

It was a lot of fun. First I showed the kids some pictures of Owen doing some fun stuff. Things like riding his bike, dressed up for Halloween, riding his horse, etc. The kids got really excited to see him doing things that they do.

Then I talked about some of the best ways to interact with Owen and what some of his gestures mean. I told them that when he gets loud it is just because he is excited. Also, that if they are trying to share something with him that they might need to ask him a couple of times and wait a little longer than normal.

We also talked about Owen’s walker and his wheelchair. We talked about why Owen couldn’t talk or walk and why he wears braces on his feet.

Then I let the kids ask questions. And boy did they have questions. They asked me how Owen slept at night. They asked if he liked video games, if he liked dinosaurs and what he is going to be for Halloween this year.

Overall I would say it was definitely a success. When we were leaving several of the kids said goodbye to Owen. You could tell that this wasn’t the norm. Hopefully they will interact with him more now and not be nervous.

Where have I been?

Well, things have been CRAZY! Hence the name of the blog. 🙂

Owen is now a kindergartener. It is so hard to believe that my little boy is such a big kid.

This momma had a really hard time with that first day of kindergarten. It’s a new school, new staff, new kids… I was scared for Owen. Thinking about the fact that he couldn’t tell people what he needed, wanted or felt.

Also, as a mom of a young special needs child, I try to avoid thinking too far in the future. It’s scary. That’s where my mind went seeing him at his new school. I started thinking; Will he be able to be independent? Will he be able to walk? Will he go to a typical high school? And so on and so on.

Needless to say that was a really tough day for me. When he finally got home from school I just wanted to grab him, hold him and never let him grow up. Luckily that smile quickly brings me back to the present.

My little helper

Owen has never really been a kid that “wanted” to help. I always have to try hard to get him involved with the types of things his peers are.

I have seen tons of lists of chores your special needs child can help with. Most of them are not appropriate for Owen. I think it is really important for him to learn a sense of responsibility.

Today I had Owen with me at the grocery store. For the most part he just hangs out and rides along.

As I was getting ready to start bagging the groceries it occurred to me it might be a good opportunity for Owen to help. So, I took him out of his wheelchair and sat him on the counter. I handed him the groceries one at a time and had him put them in the bag.

He didn’t make it through the whole cart, but bagged 3 or 4 bags. He thought it was hilarious. It definitely took longer than normal, but I think we will do it more often. It was good for him.

Back on track?

Maybe… I’m going to try to get back on track with posting. It was an interesting day today and I thought, I should blog about that. Then I thought, gee…. I haven’t done that in a while. lol

This morning Owen’s PT came over to work with him. We talked about a lot of ways to work on Owen’s walking skills. She asks me if I take Owen outside for walks in his walker. No, I haven’t. Honestly I hadn’t thought about doing it. It’s not that I’m against it, just hadn’t thought about it.

So, I’m thinking it sounds like a good idea and its sunny out. I get everyone dressed, jackets and shoes on. Laney gets strapped into Owen’s old tricycle. I get Owen’s walker out and put him in it.

Our driveway is a little steep so it takes some maneuvering and multiple trips to get everyone to the road. So far everyone is still thinking this is fun. After all, it is a great day out.

We get to the road and that’s when the fun stops. Owen doesn’t want to walk and Laney doesn’t want to hold still. I’m going back and forth trying to keep everyone happy while still accomplishing the goal of getting Owen some walking time.

After about 20-30 mins I gave up. It took about 15 mins to get everyone back in the house. All three of us are frustrated. Laney is crying.

Once we get in and jackets off I think… yeah, that’s why I don’t do this.

I know it was just a bad day and it won’t always be like that. We will try again another time. Hopefully with more success.

Real Hugs

Last night for the first time ever I got TWO actual real hugs from Owen. They were actual, arms around my neck, squeezing hugs. In the past I had gotten forced hugs or grabbing out of frustration or nervous “hugs”.

These were the first “real hugs”. So exciting!!! I’m not sure why now. It might be because I have been giving him bear hugs to help with his sensory input. I really don’t care why though…. I’m just happy it happened. 🙂

Rams Game

Our friends at TASK gave our family some tickets to the last Pre-season Rams game. Even though we already had a busy week planned we thought we would go.

So, after work we got everybody changed and loaded up to go to the game. Since the game started at 6 we were already going to miss the first part of the game. We weren’t too worried about that since we figured the kids wouldn’t make it through the whole game anyway.

Our first issue with the dome was there is no handicap parking anywhere. They don’t have their own garage. So, we end up parking about a half mile away. Not a huge deal, but definitely annoying.

We finally navigate the bumpy streets with Owen’s wheelchair and get to one of the doors. First thing we see is there is no ramp to get to the door. There were only two steps so we just picked Owen’s chair up to get in.

Once we get in the door some lady says, “Whoa, whoa… Can he walk?” In my mind there were a few expletives that I won’t post here. But seriously… He’s in a wheelchair. Not listening to my inner, much more blunt, voice I reply. No, he can’t walk. She says we have to walk around the stadium to another door to go in. At this point Brett and I were both already frustrated with the parking and what not. I ask her if its ok if we take Owen out of his wheelchair and carry him and pull the wheelchair up the escalator. Reluctantly she agrees, repeatedly telling me how they really are helpful with kids like Owen if we go to the right door.

Well, after coming up with a strategy to get Owen, his wheelchair and Laney up the escalator we head up to the next floor. Our tickets were on the fourth floor. We assumed once we got to the next floor we could just walk around the stadium on the inside and get to the handicap accessible side of the building.

As we walk around that floor I asked 3 or 4 people that worked there where the elevator was. Amazingly no one knew. How is that? Not even the First Aid guy knew. Finally we find an elevator marked as disabled and media only. They get us up to the 4th floor.

I will say this. The dome does have a lot of wheelchair accessible seating… once you get in. lol We find some open seats (the stadium was pretty scarce since it was a pre-season game) that weren’t already occupied by people who clearly didn’t need them.

We grab some food and enjoy the last of the game. Afterwards the trip out wasn’t too bad since we knew where the elevator was now. We hop on at the 4th floor to ride down to the bottom. First we stop on the 3rd floor and pick up three guys with beers. They clearly were no disabled or media, but whatever. Then we stop again on the 1st floor and pick up and guy in his late 20’s/early 30’s. He had some tics and some speech issues.

We get down to the ground floor and we all pile out. The last guy that got on tried to go out the door with his beer and the security guy stopped him. The guy replies, “Sorr… S.. S… S… Soorr rr rry” and makes his way out the door ahead of us. Once out the door, the guy straightens up, starts walking with a normal gait, gets his phone out of his pocket and calls his buddies.

As I’m walking I am just staring at this guy. I couldn’t believe he would pretend to be disabled to get down the elevator (one floor mind you). Brett and I were just in awe of this guy. Who does something like that? Very odd.

Overall all, despite all of the hassles we did have fun. We will be better prepared if we go to another game.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.