Hit a wall

October 4, 2010

All of us special needs moms try so hard to keep a positive attitude and be strong for our families and for ourselves. Some days though it hits us all at once. We question how we can keep this up. We feel a little sorry for ourselves. Sometimes we feel angry. Sometimes we cry.

Today was one of those days for me. We are currently looking for a new house. Its gotten to the point of being very stressful. Worrying about making the right decision for Owen. I’m so tired of looking at houses in what little bit of spare time I have.

Also, work has been very stressful. A lot of things are changing and its just a little scary.

So, today, when Owen is throwing his usual “I don’t want to go to school” Monday morning fit it all just became too much. I just wanted to give up. Carry him into school and just drive somewhere by myself and just disappear for the rest of the day.

But I sucked it up. Took the time to make Owen walk into school. Even taking the seat off of his walker and making him walk a little with out the support. He threw a fit, but did it. Its so hard sometimes to make him do things he doesn’t want to do.  I just want to let him take it easy. His life is hard enough. But I know I can’t.

After he gets into class, I walk back out, get into the car and just start crying. Today I hit a wall.

Hello Mr. Wall. It’s been a few months. I’ll be honest, I didn’t miss you and I hope not to see you again for a while. 😦

So, I let it all out, wrote this blog, vented to a few friends and headed into work.


  1. Sorry to hear you are having one of those days, but I think it’s normal and healthy to react that way. You have to be so strong all the time, as you mentioned. It’s not sustainable. Know how much your friends and family love you and how lucky Owen is to have you not only as his mom, but as his advocate and guardian in life. He will be a stronger person b/c you push him to do things he doesn’t always want to do, even though it’s not easy. He’s already come sooooooo far and I can’t wait to see where he goes from here.

  2. I’m sorry to hear that you “hit a wall” today. I know times can be stressful and vent as much as you would like. We are all here to support you. It’s always hard to see our kiddos struggle but even if they don’t know it know, they will thank us later (at least I hope) but if not we will see them make progress. I hope the rest of your day gets better and you are able to find the perfect house that fits your families needs.

  3. I am so sorry! I do not like Mr. Wall either.. But I believe Mr. Wall is maybe looking out for you while we are strong super moms of wonderful kiddos. Its okay to break, We are better women because of it!!..
    You are doing an amazing job.. and although we have never met in person. I believe you to be amazing, caring and wonderful…
    Sending you a great big hug from Tucson <3. Melissa

  4. Thanks ladies. As you an see its been one of those days and I just had to get it all out. 🙂

  5. Thank you for your written words. So honest, so understandable.

  6. We’ve all been there sister! I know that I’ve certainly had my days. We’re all here to listen and sympathize.

  7. Mr. Wall I see you. And I warn you to get out of my friend Sara’s way. Or I may need to kick your butt! Lots of hugs from Kate and Luke

  8. And I didn’t even know that you had this blog … how cool!!! Anyway, as far as Mr. Wall is concerned he comes to visit all of us Mam’s, even those of us without special needs children. Kids are kids and they will challenge and break even the strongest parent. Keep your chin up and know that the fact that Mr. Wall hasn’t crumbled down around you and buried you in rubble with all you have to do and deal with right now is in itself a wonder. Love you, and sometimes I find it just a little bit frightening how closely synced our lives are…

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